i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Two words: blizzard sex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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