just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
