I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
