I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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