Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize