no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
