im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
