Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
