I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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