yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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