My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
