I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
