Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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