You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
