the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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