I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
