Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
