The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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