A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
