remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
