Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
