U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Barsexuality is the new black.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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