the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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