she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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