I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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