I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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