There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
