I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
