got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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