new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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