Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize