Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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