do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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