I cannot find my penis.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
