Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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