are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
