She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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