FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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