Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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