discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm like, not good at living.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
