You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
