So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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