meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
