First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
