come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
