if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
