I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
