Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
