You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
