Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
