Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
