why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
