We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
