real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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