i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
