There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
