Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize