My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
