My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
