all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
