mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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