Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
