I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
