Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
