CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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