I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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