and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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