If i come over, it means nothing
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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