he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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