Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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