It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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