he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
