the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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