We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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