the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
