Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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