The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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