And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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