remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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