Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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