cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
