Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
