I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
