My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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