There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
