I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize